Lovechild


Transcript of conversation between Superman and Wonder Woman at the Justice League Watchtower Christmas party, 3:00 a.m. Saturday, December 23, 2006: SUPERMAN: ...It's not like I'm the one with stars across her landing strip (pause) I mean, it looks good (pause) It'd look better, if you'd trim it down. WONDER WOMAN: You think you've got what it takes? You light up with those x-ray eyes like you're not eyeing my goods? You want a princess? You want the twins? SUPERMAN: (long pause, followed by belch) I'm not your Clark Kent boy-toy. Maybe you should give Kent a call. Maybe he'd swing by for bootie call. (pause) We both know I'm married to Lois. I'm a married man. (sound of a slap) WONDER WOMAN: Everybody knows it's glasses. You think you've got it on the side with Clark Kent? You think anybody in their right mind doesn't see through you're pussy reporter costume? Do I need to get my lasso? SUPERMAN: I'm just saying, even if it's for the American way, I can't cheat on Lois and rock you in my heart-shaped Kryptonian love-palace. (pause) I'm drunk. It's late. WONDER WOMAN: You email and tell me to shave, then it's Mr. cold feet. SUPERMAN: Clark told you to shave. I saw his email. He forwarded it to the League listserv. He probably meant it as a joke. WONDER WOMAN: This is about Lois wanting a baby, isn't it? That's why you switched the tighties for boxers. SUPERMAN: It isn't like I haven't seen you and Flash in the shuttle bay. You think it's shielded, but it isn't. Not completely. (sound of a second slap) WONDER WOMAN: We already talked about that. I barely felt it, and he pulled out. I don't need to re-hash the encounter in the sauna. It's a whole different story. SUPERMAN: I'm not trying to re-open old wounds. You know I'd burn off my nipples with my laser-eyes before I'd hurt you like that. (long pause) You ever think your life would turn out like this? You know, in high school, when your teachers asked what you thought you'd be? WONDER WOMAN: It seems like Lois has you on a leash. (pause) I'm not trying to go after her when she's not here, but you deserve a woman you don't have to go easy on. SUPERMAN: That's (pause, sound of vomiting) That's another thing, altogether. It's always her on top, and I'm fine with that, most of the time, but it's nice to get behind, once in a while. WONDER WOMAN: (removing shirt) I just want you to grab me. Just for a little while. Just a grab. SUPERMAN: You know (continues vomiting) We can't fool ourselves. We can't be that guy. We can't be him. I am too drunk for this conversation. I am way too drunk.

Transcript of conversation between Superman and Wonder Woman at the Justice League Watchtower Christmas party, 3:00 a.m. Saturday, December 23, 2006:

SUPERMAN: ...It's not like I'm the one with stars across her landing strip (pause) I mean, it looks good (pause) It'd look better, if you'd trim it down.

WONDER WOMAN: You think you've got what it takes? You light up with those x-ray eyes like you're not eyeing my goods? You want a princess? You want the twins?

SUPERMAN: (long pause, followed by belch) I'm not your Clark Kent boy-toy. Maybe you should give Kent a call. Maybe he'd swing by for bootie call. (pause) We both know I'm married to Lois. I'm a married man.

(sound of a slap)

WONDER WOMAN: Everybody knows it's glasses. You think you've got it on the side with Clark Kent? You think anybody in their right mind doesn't see through you're pussy reporter costume? Do I need to get my lasso?

SUPERMAN: I'm just saying, even if it's for the American way, I can't cheat on Lois and rock you in my heart-shaped Kryptonian love-palace. (pause) I'm drunk. It's late.

WONDER WOMAN: You email and tell me to shave, then it's Mr. cold feet.

SUPERMAN: Clark told you to shave. I saw his email. He forwarded it to the League listserv. He probably meant it as a joke.

WONDER WOMAN: This is about Lois wanting a baby, isn't it? That's why you switched the tighties for boxers.

SUPERMAN: It isn't like I haven't seen you and Flash in the shuttle bay. You think it's shielded, but it isn't. Not completely.

(sound of a second slap)

WONDER WOMAN: We already talked about that. I barely felt it, and he pulled out. I don't need to re-hash the encounter in the sauna. It's a whole different story.

SUPERMAN: I'm not trying to re-open old wounds. You know I'd burn off my nipples with my laser-eyes before I'd hurt you like that. (long pause) You ever think your life would turn out like this? You know, in high school, when your teachers asked what you thought you'd be?

WONDER WOMAN: It seems like Lois has you on a leash. (pause) I'm not trying to go after her when she's not here, but you deserve a woman you don't have to go easy on.

SUPERMAN: That's (pause, sound of vomiting) That's another thing, altogether. It's always her on top, and I'm fine with that, most of the time, but it's nice to get behind, once in a while.

WONDER WOMAN: (removing shirt) I just want you to grab me. Just for a little while. Just a grab.

SUPERMAN: You know (continues vomiting) We can't fool ourselves. We can't be that guy. We can't be him. I am too drunk for this conversation. I am way too drunk.

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